A Wolf in Cop's Clothing
by BellaFlan
Summary: An unexpected imprint has Leah Clearwater bum over tea kettle in heat for one Charlie Swan, the original DILF. Rated M for an extended lemon and crude humor involving euphemisms. Collab with the fabulous Restlessxpen.


**Collab with the incredible Restlessxpen**

**All Leah POV's by Restlessxpen**

**All Charlie POV's by BellaFlan**

**Author's Note: Originally an entry for the Team Twilight DILF contest.  
**

**Charlie**

I was a man of few words.

oo00oo

**Leah**

How the hell was I supposed to get used to these pre-menopause heat flashes? They'd told me that it would be bad in the beginning, but I didn't know that they meant I could grill a fucking steak on my abs. It was impossible to get used to. I'd been a werewolf for several years now, and I still hated the heat.

Stupid vampires. Stupid werewolf genes.

Why the hell weren't any windows open in our house?

I wrenched both of the windows in my bedroom open wide, and then I cranked on the AC, flopping down onto my bed in the tiniest pair of cloth shorts I owned. My tank top was already sticking to my chest, creating the ever-embarrassing "V" line that would broadcast to anyone who took a peek that there was a little stream of sweat running in between my breasts.

Damn it.

The bedsheets felt hot and sticky too. I couldn't get comfortable. I didn't want to go outside either. Sam and his moron pack of followers seemed to have taken root at the edge of the forest next to my house. He was like some twisted stalker, always watching, waiting—I guessed—to see if I'd crack. I didn't know what his deal was. It wasn't like I'd just popped into my wolf clothes. He watched everyone like that, like he had to monitor the vampires _and_ us. One of these days, I was going to give him a proper ass-kicking. I thought I'd made it pretty clear that I wanted to keep my distance from him. Wolf or not a wolf, I was still female, and he had still broken my heart like an imprinting bastard.

I snorted. Imprints were for pussies that couldn't make up their minds and were too spineless to pick their own life mate.

"Leah?"

I flinched as my mom called my name. The woman had a heart of gold, but that, in my opinion, was her weakness. She always seemed so feeble, always stuck in the shadows of the man standing in front of her. She seemed to be so lost after my father had died, like she really wasn't sure which direction she'd been heading in, or what she planned to do next.

"Yeah?" I growled.

I could hear her coming down the hall. It was hard not to dislike my overly sensitive hearing. Post-phase, the softest of footfall sounded like a pack of elephants stampeding through the house. Knowing that she was about to come in, I rolled onto my stomach, planting my face into my pillow.

It was _so_ hot in here.

"Leah, I just wanted to let you know that Charlie's on his way over. I'm frying some fish. Are you going to stick around and eat with us for once?"

My brow furrowed against my pillow. I felt the insult stab at my heart. It seemed awfully soon to be entertaining the father of the enemy in our house. Maybe a few years had passed, but it felt like my father had only recently gone on to the big werewolf forest in the sky. I shouldn't have been surprised. My mother, after all, was lost without a male's guiding force.

But, I mean, come on! Charlie Swan? Really?

I made a face and would have stuck out my tongue if I wouldn't have gotten a mouth full of pillow case. Did my mother have any idea who she was letting into our house? Sure, Chief Swan hadn't a clue about what kind of a freak show his daughter was really hanging all over, but I didn't cut him any slack.

I'd avoided the Swans like the plague, and that wasn't an exaggeration. I'd been seventeen when Bella had come back, and, sitting at nineteen years of age currently, I had only come across her on no more than three occasions and had managed to avoid her father altogether. As far as I could see, my four furry paws were all Bella's fault. If it wasn't for her and her disgusting corpse of a boyfriend—or fiance or husband, or whatever he was now—I would have still been normal and not roasting like an oven. She disgusted me. Jacob Black was insane for being her friend, or fuck buddy, or whatever it was that he really was to her.

I didn't know. I stayed out of it. I didn't want any part of the Swans or the Cullens or any other creeper.

Bella was on my ass-kicking list. Charlie was only a step or two away from being in the same place.

Still, was it honorable to vamoose at this moment and leave my mother alone with the enemy?

"Sure, mom. I'll stay."

Stay and face the epitome of everything I hated. Two years of taking every precaution not to step into Charlie's path was about to be blown to hell.

"Really?"

She sounded surprised. I wondered if I was imagining the tinge of disappointment in her voice. That was just nasty—thinking that she might have _wanted_ to be home alone with Charlie Swan. I scowled. What a traitor.

"Yeah, really."

"Oh, well, okay. I--"

_Knock, knock, knock._ Guess who's here? It's not fucking Santa Claus, I'll tell you that much.

I could hear my mom shifting around a little just outside my door. It sounded like she was rearranging her a bit, straightening the wrinkles from her clothes. It was really messed up that I could hear and identify something like that now. I wondered if it would always be like this, if when I was ninety years old, if even then I'd be able to hear Seth as he went to the bathroom at the other end of the house, unzipping his pants and taking a piss.

That was just disturbing.

"That's him." My mother liked to state the obvious. "I'm going to let him in. The fish is almost done. Come out when you're ready."

I listened to her shuffle away. I pushed myself up onto my elbows when I heard the front door open and close and Charlie Swan saying, "Sue," in greeting. He had a deep voice. It was filled with a little bit of uncertainty, a little bewilderment, like he was taking in his surroundings and constantly wondering how the hell he'd gotten to that place.

He was wearing boots. I could hear them clomping as he followed my mother into the kitchen. I wondered if he was wearing his policeman uniform.

I thought about how this whole thing would be much easier if I climbed out of one of my open windows and escaped now. I would rather have faced Sam at the moment. It was always fun to piss him off. He was too reserved to retaliate, but the faces I could get him to make were priceless.

I could hear my mother collecting a few plates from a cabinet. Charlie was offering to help her in his quiet, gruff tone. He was such an awkward man, not at all like my dad had been. I wondered what got my mom all hot and heavy about him, because I knew that that was the direction their relationship was going.

My mom had fluffed her hair before answering the door, for Christ's sake.

"Leah?"

I drew in a breath. This was going to be awkward as hell.

"Coming!"

I didn't bother to change before I went to the kitchen. I didn't really feel the need to impress two old farts, and I didn't give much thought to my sweat stain or the shorts that might have been shorter than what would be considered appropriate. I finger combed my hair a little, and I called it a day in the looks department.

Preparing for the worst, I rounded the corner, entered the kitchen, and got my first good look at Charlie Swan since the day that Bella had come back to Forks.

I ran straight into a counter. The point of it jabbed into my side so hard I thought I punctured a kidney, or a lung, or something. I gave a little gasp, stumbling sideways, and Charlie—who had been standing closest to me—reached out a hand to steady me.

"Hey. Careful," he said, like I'd meant to attack the counter.

Holy fuck. My skin—hot before—was on fire underneath his hand. I jerked away automatically and ended up falling back into the refrigerator, jarring the glass pots my mother had placed on the top of it for decoration. I could see her looking up at them fearfully, as if expecting them to topple over, but I really didn't give a shit about the pots.

Once, Quill had asked Sam how he would know if he imprinted on someone, and Sam had smirked at him, and he had told him that, if he imprinted, he would know for sure. He'd said that there was no way not to know when you'd imprinted, because your whole world suddenly turned on its hinges, and you started to free fall.

I felt my feet leaving the ground.

My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I could feel it bruising. I couldn't breathe or think over the roar in my head. I thought I was going to fall over again. I couldn't feel the ground. There was nothing to hold onto. I could feel everything breaking apart, scattering, and then realigning in a very peculiar direction that made me both nauseous and exhilarated.

The heat from where Charlie had touched me was spreading like wild fire that had licked at dry grass. I could feel it gathering in my chest and then plummeting somewhere much more coveted and sacred.

Uh-oh. Oh, God. What was happening?

Was I having a mental breakdown? Had I cracked like Sam suspected I would?

The world was tilting precariously. My mother seemed to fall off of the edge. Charlie and I were the only ones balancing, like we were both hanging on to the same rope, using each other to ride out the storm. I could feel that rope between us. It was made out of some tough shit, and it had grown very taut. It felt almost suffocating.

"Uh--" I gurgled helplessly.

The craziest thing was that Charlie was staring at me in the same sort of stunned way, like maybe he felt that fire too, like I was the only one in the room that he was seeing, and it confused the shit out of him.

"Leah, are you all right?" my mother asked.

It had all happened in a span of a second, but it felt like the space of eternity. My mom hadn't caught a thing. She wasn't interpreting the sudden friction between Charlie and I that had sprung up out of God knew where, and was now attacking all of my senses.

I swallowed. "Yeah. Er—yeah, I'm fine. Just...dizzy."

Understatement of the year! What was going on?

"Be careful, sweetheart. You scared me there for a moment," she told me, and then she gave me a look which told me that she had suspected that it had something to do with my new werewolf alias.

"Okay," I said, lamely.

Why was Charlie still staring at me? I cleared my throat and itched to touch him. My mother looked at the pair of us, her brows furrowing for a moment as if she was about to come to some odd conclusion, and then she shook it off.

"All right then. Let's eat," she said.

My mother took the initiative and shoved a plate into my hand and one into Charlie's. I didn't remember putting a flaky piece of fish on it, but it was there, and I was being propelled to the dining room table by some force unknown to me. I sat on one side.

Charlie and my mom sat on the other.

I stared at the two of them. I saw the look my mother shot at him from under her lashes. I felt an unreasonable, dark surge of dangerous jealousy. Why the hell did I suddenly want to spit in my mom's food?

Charlie really _was_ sexy in his police uniform.

_What? _

Who knew a badge could be so hot? Did he have handcuffs with that gear and aviator shades? I shifted in my seat, feeling a little more than slightly bothered in the wrong way.

_What the hell? _

I wanted him to stop looking at me. If he didn't stop looking at me, I was going to go crazy.

If he _did_ stop looking at me, I was going to be pissed.

He glanced at my mom, saw her watching, and started to eat his fish almost dutifully. Unlike me, Charlie was still acknowledging and understanding social cues. I couldn't seem to do anything but gawk and fidget.

I wanted out of the room.

No. I wanted _my mom_ out of the room.

_Red alert, captain, we're going down. _

"Do you like it?" my mom asked.

Charlie said, "Delicious."

He was looking at me again. I was really starting to like his look of bewilderment.

Why hadn't I ever realized the importance of a mustache? They were so mature and respectable and hot.

I sucked in my bottom lip and bit it as if to force sanity back in with pain. In no way did I want or expect the sight of me nibbling my lower lip to appear sexy to anyone seated at the table with me.

My mother looked at me. "You haven't touched your fish."

My hands were underneath the table, clenching either side of my chair in a death grip. I thought they might be the only thing holding me back from shooting across the table and giving Charlie a meal like he'd never known before.

I wanted to be sick.

"I don't feel so great," I told her. "I—uh—I'm going to go lay down. Sorry. Excuse me."

I bolted.

I went down the hall as fast as my feet would carry me without flat out running, and I practically dove into my room, slamming the door behind me. I knew my mother would shrug the strange behavior off to the wolf in me, but she didn't really understand how close to the mark she would be on that.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

No way. Not possible. I did not just imprint on Charlie Swan.

I was never going to imprint. Ever. I did not fall in love. Hell—I didn't even _feel_ love anymore. I had already decided to be alone the rest of my life with casual one night stands in the mix to keep me going strong.

But not—never, ever, ever—a real relationship. After Sam, I'd given up that ghost. I was not meant to imprint. I was the female oddity in the group, and that made me special. That gave me the right _not_ to imprint.

_I did not just imprint on Charlie Swan. I did not. I did not. I did not. _

Whatever I was feeling right now was not the inclination to go back out there and jump his bones in front of my mom and whoever else wanted to watch.

I backed away from my door like it would sprout fangs and bite me. I had to get_ out _of here.

oo00oo

**Charlie**

Being around Sue was easy. I hated complicated. After the bullshit Renee put me through when Isabella was young, I deserved a nice, _simple_, relationship. I stood on the doorstep of the now deceased Harry Clearwater with only simple desires on my mind: a hardy meal of fried fish and an afternoon fuck with a woman I cared for enough to consider a friend. Sue was dependable. No surprises there.

I adjusted myself quickly before knocking on the door. Little Charlie was already half-cocked in anticipation. My spirits fell slightly when the door opened, and Sue Clearwater greeted me. Her eyes were traced with inky make-up. Why the fuck did women bother with that shit? The whitish powder that clung like a layer of dirt to her skin, brushed off on my uniform when she hugged me.

My handgun (and not the one in my holster) instantly went limp.

"Sue," I greeted and looked down at my boots. Shit, what the fuck was I doing here? Was I really so desperate for Harry Clearwater's fish fry that I was willing to bait my hook with Sue... Again? _Yeah, I am_. Who was I to pass up a free lunch?

"Need some help with the, uh, dishes or anything?" The words came out like a series of manly grunts. Sue blushed. At least, I thought she did. It was hard to tell under all of that face paint.

"It's self-serve. Just make yourself comfortable, Charlie." Yeah, alright. Comfortable. I could do that. Shit, I hadn't even removed my boots and holster yet. Except, where the hell should I hang my gun? I didn't feel right putting it on a coat hook. My fingers fidgeted on my waistband and hooked through the belt loop. It was probably safest on my hip. A man doesn't like to be separated from his firearm for too long. I slumped against the weight of my massive pistol and leaned into the butcher block, waiting for fish to magically appear on my plate.

Sue made a little choking sound in her throat, and I looked up from my belt. Like a bat out of hell, a flailing mess of dark hair and exposed nubile flesh tore a path across the peeling linoleum floor and into the counter I was leaning against. Without thinking, I grabbed an arm and was met with a pair of bewildered dark eyes. Fucking gorgeous, crazed eyes.

"Hey. Careful," I said, wondering why she was attacking the counter...and also wishing that I _was_ said counter. It took all of the will I could muster to let go of her arm. I whimpered. I fucking whimpered like a puppy at the loss of contact.

And that's when I realized a couple of things. First off, the psychotic mess of a girl that I'd gnaw my own arm off to touch was the daughter of the woman I was currently screwing. Second off, my cock was about to explode out of my pants.

Oh, fuck. Little Leah Clearwater had grown up.

My hand found its way to my belt again, just aching to rub one out at the sight of her. She turned away from me and things only got worse downstairs when I caught a glimpse of her backside. The tiniest pair of shorts I'd ever seen graced her taught ass. The material clung to her sweat covered skin and rode up her cleft. Those little shorts were buried inside of what was no doubt the sweetest, tightest, young pussy.

I was wrong. I didn't want to be the counter after all.

"Uh--" she choked. Her eyes bore into mine, and my lust filled thoughts turned tender. Strange impulses possessed me. My hands ached to cup her face in my palms, to gently brush the hair away from her eyes. My mouth wanted to taste the skin under her jaw, to trail kisses down her neck. Despite little Charlie's demand for sustenance, more than anything, I wanted to make love to Leah. To love her.

That's when Sue noticed something was awry. "Leah, are you alright?" she asked, glaring at my girl.

Well, fuck a duck! Stupid woman! The moment was lost. Leah cringed under the watchful eye of her mother.

She trembled and muttered some excuse about being dizzy, while Sue clucked about like a mother hen. She fussed and fawned as I chewed my food mechanically, not really tasting anything. It took all of my concentration to keep my ass planted firmly in my chair. All I wanted to do was launch myself at the young girl sitting across from me and face plant into her crotch.

"Delicious," I muttered like an asshole, licking my mouth, imagining the way her flavor would linger on my mustache.

She chewed at her bottom lip and expelled air in a huffy pout. It was the sexiest fucking thing I'd ever seen. Again, all I could think about was tasting her, burying my tongue deep inside her little pussy. She would have the softest, downy, virgin hair extending up her pubic bone and sprinkled lightly around her lips. Mmm, I wanted those cunt lips pressed to my mouth. I wanted to suck her juices dry, to lick at her perfect little clit and hear her squeal and writhe under my tongue with pleasure.

"You haven't touched your fish," Sue complained.

_Excuse me? _Oh, right. We were eating fish. I was too busy imaging myself eating her daughter to notice. My lips curled into a smile. It might have been a leer.

Suddenly, my girl jumped up from the table, and ran from the room. Away from me. My heart constricted under the weight of the most profound sorrow. Part of me was lost, or rather, _taken_. Now it belonged to _her_.

Did I just think "most profound sorrow?" Yeah, the part of me I had lost was obviously my fucking mind.

Needless to say, I couldn't continue on with the charade of lunch. Mumbling an apology after swallowing the rest of my meal whole, I high-tailed it for the cruiser. I had acted like an ass. Sue looked crushed by my rude departure but, almost as if against my will, my body was being pulled away from the house and down the dirt drive to my car. Reversing away from the Clearwater house, I couldn't afford another glance at Sue and her crestfallen face. I was too fucking confused.

Gunning the engine, I shot away from the small fishing village of Quileute Heights and turned left onto La Push Road. After about five miles of forest, I jerked the wheel into a sudden and sharp ninety-degree turn. There was no name posted on the road I chose. It might have been private property because it didn't even register on the GPS. The car was totally off the grid.

What the fuck had happened to me? Where was I going, exactly?

My foot pounded on the gas, the wheels throwing up stone and dust like a sand storm. I was no longer driving the car; it was driving me. An undeniable magnetic force propelled me on forward until I reached a barricade that blocked the horizon where the road fell off and transformed into forest. I caught a scent through the open window that made me half-crazed with lust.

Leah.

Her scent registered with some long-dormant, primal need to inseminate. I didn't want to just fuck my girl. No, I wanted to mate with her. To make her _mine_. All mine! The growl that ripped through me at the epiphany was feral.

Parking the car, I turned my wheels away from the incline and cut the engine. Now what? Well, if my mind didn't know what to do, my body sure as fuck did. My leg kicked open the car door, and I jumped out, practically diving over the barrier. Shit, I didn't even close the door or take my keys out of the ignition. It didn't matter.

My feet flew faster than my coordination could handle. Of their own volition my legs started running. Some sort of ancient Fuck-Beast had taken over my faculties. The directive was: FIND; FUCK; INSEMINATE; MATE!

Charlie Swan ceased to exist as I tracked Leah's phenomenal scent. The faster I ran, the stronger her aroma grew. The beast took over my controls completely now, driving my body and revving my engine like a maniac behind the wheel of a V12 Aston Martin Vanquish. At best, I was a V6. A LeBaron GT.

My ankle twisted at a terrible angle, causing my foot to collapse. The ground disappeared beneath me. It happened quickly and my uninjured foot couldn't connect with the earth as I stumbled and flew forward onto my stomach. Helplessly, I rolled down the crude path of gravel and flattened grass, tearing up my uniform pretty badly. My leg was on fire and my skin was rubbed raw from the road burn.

"Leah," I choked. She was near. It was fucking nuts, I know, but so help me, I could smell her arousal. Dragging my body towards the sound of her voice, each slow movement was torture on my poor skin.

"Alright, stop!"

"Leah," I sighed. The sound of her voice went straight to my dick

"Yeah, it's me." She knelt by my side, and my tongue fell out of my mouth. She was naked. Not a stitch covering the expanse of flawless, tanned skin. Oh, fuck, she was better than I had imagined. "I was trying to get away from you, but then you had to go and do something stupid like fall ass over tea kettle down the bloody path. Does an inner-ear problem run in your family? 'Cause I gotta tell you, Chief Swan, your daughter falls down a lot too."

"Why are you naked?" _And why aren't I?_

"I'm sorry, Charlie. Does it bother you?" She smirked at my cock and added, "Little Charlie seems to approve."

She called him by his name! "It's not safe for a girl like you to be--"

"What do you mean by 'girl like me?'" She glared down at me.

"I mean...Christ, Leah. You're fucking gorgeous. I don't like the idea of you all alone in these woods where some psychotic might be lurking."

For some reason she found that funny. "I wouldn't worry about _me_, Chief. I can take care of myself."

"Can you, now?" My eyes were fixated on her breasts. I knew that women hated being ogled, but they were just begging to be touched. Her nipples were pointing at me for god sakes! "What's happening here, Leah?"

She grabbed my ankle and started rubbing. The pressure shot pain through my tendons, but I didn't care. She was _touching_ me. "It hurts, I know, but let me rub it, okay? I have healing hands."

_Healing hands_. Well, if that was the case than I had other throbbing appendages that could use her attention. "That's not the only thing that's swollen." _Oh, shit!_ It was like there was no filter between my thoughts and words with this woman.

"Chief, are you...what are you referring to, exactly?" She did that lip biting thing again and tried to draw her hair back off her shoulders.

"Are you hot, beautiful?" My hands would not stay at my sides. Lifting myself into a seated position, I pulled my body back against the base of a massive spruce and raised my eyebrow. "Sit on my lap." It was an order

"Okay, Chief Swan." With an aching slowness, she crawled over to me and placed her supple ass on my lap. A tiny moan escaped her lips when her bare cunt made contact with my erection. The friction only lasted for a millisecond, yet it was enough that I nearly came in my pants.

"Leah," I whispered against her ear and licked the hollow beneath. "My girl."

"Chief Swan, I need to tell--"

"Charlie. Please, call me Charlie." My hand wrapped her hair into a bun and pulled it away from her heated skin. Then I went to work licking the beads of sweat off the back of her neck and blowing air onto her moist flesh.

"Charlie," she moaned and grabbed my hand in hers. "Mine. You're mine."

"All yours," I vowed. It was true. She fucking owned me.

oo00oo

**Leah**

I'd opted to climb out my window in a frenzy to get away from...whatever the hell it was that had suddenly filled up my house, my senses, and every nerve in my body. I hadn't met Sam at the line of trees in my backyard, and I was glad for it. Against my better judgment, I'd torn into wolf form in desperation to really put some distance between myself and my house. I was surprised to find that the channel that connected my mind with my pack's was empty, that no one else had felt any desire to tromp around on four legs at the moment. I was glad for that too.

I did not want to explain to anyone why I was having a deluge of hot, inappropriate, sickening thoughts about Charlie Swan.

I picked up dirt and sent it spraying behind me, racing toward the innermost entanglement of the forest.

At least, I thought that was where I was going.

The problem was, I started to veer to the left not five minutes after I'd first started running. I kept veering until I was pointed in a completely different direction, until I felt my destination pinpoint itself in another spot that was not the heart of the forest.

Horrified, I realized that I was honing in on Charlie, that he had left my house, and that he was now out in the woods with me.

_Doing what? Idiot!_

I caught sight of movement, and I ducked underneath a low-hanging branch just in time to see Charlie falling just as gracelessly as his klutz daughter would have. If things had been right in the world, if my heart and head hadn't have been a mess, I would have snorted at the comparison, at the simple amusement of a moron falling in the woods.

But everything wasn't right in the world, and, when Charlie tripped, I felt myself falling with him. I could practically feel the pain of his injury before I stepped forward and saw it for myself. He was dragging himself along, saying my name.

I phased without realizing I meant to, stepping into his view without even a stitch of clothing.

"Alright, stop!" I growled, hurting as he hurt.

He said my name again, and it did all kinds of uncomfortable things to my heart. He looked so helpless and pitiful and sexy sprawled on the ground like that, covered in bits of earth and sweat.

"Yeah," I said, "it's me.

He was getting an eyeful now, seeing around whatever pain his ankle was giving him. I almost lifted an arm to shield myself, but that would have been stupid. He'd already seen everything I had to offer anyway. It sort of pissed me off.

"I was trying to get away from you," I snapped at him, "but then you had to go and do something stupid like fall ass over tea kettle down the bloody path. Does an inner-ear problem run in your family? 'Cause I gotta tell you, Chief Swan, your daughter falls down a lot, too."

I stared at his ankle to keep from staring at anything else.

"Why are you naked?" he asked.

I felt heat rise to my face, and that was saying something, because I was always hot with my built-in furnace. I did everything in my power not to cave and look at his crotch, but I did anyway. I couldn't help it. I was all but salivating on myself.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. Does it bother you?" Why was I toying with him? Why was I playing along with this crazed feeling of lust? "Little Charlie seems to approve."

"It's not safe for a girl like you to be--"

I looked at his face, annoyed, despite the little flicker of pleasure I felt in my chest, thinking that he cared. But that was just like a man. None of them thought that a girl could take care of herself. Fuck. I could take on any man in the reservation.

I could take on all of them at once.

"What do you mean by 'a girl like me?'"

"I mean...Christ, Leah. You're fucking gorgeous. I don't like the idea of you all alone in these woods where some psychotic might be lurking."

I didn't count myself a sucker for pretty words, but he was really starting to play me the right way here. A thousand little fantasies were swimming around inside of my head, and I'd never been more aware that I was naked--

"I wouldn't worry about _me_, Chief. I can take care of myself."

--until right at that moment when I reached for his ankle and saw him staring at my chest, saw his eyes making a general survey of the entire area. His voice took on a huskier edge that crawled and tickled across my skin in a way that made me feel crazy.

I shouldn't have touched him. I drifted away from the conversation when I did. Next thing I knew, I was sitting on his lap, feeling him against me, thinking dully that there were a few things that I needed to tell him.

One being that he was a moron for tripping. Two being the reason _why_ I was naked in the first place. Three being that all these feelings between us weren't really _real_. Though I had to say that real and not real were starting to blur together in a wonderful, indistinguishable line that I was having a hard time deciphering.

He whispered my name, tracing his tongue across me.

"Chief Swan, I need to tell--"

What the hell had I needed to tell him?

He pulled my hair up, moving his tongue against my neck. Oh, this was fucking wrong on so many levels. He was the father of the enemy, the only prospect for my lonely mother, and he was also not my type at all. I didn't like cops or mustaches or clumsy men who stumbled around in the forest.

I grabbed his hand and groaned.

Shit. I should have fucking slapped him for what he was doing to me. Better yet, I should have phased and run. Only a fool would run into the forest after a gigantic wolf.

Was that what I had meant to tell him?

"All yours," he said, and I realized that I'd still been talking to him, that I'd told him he belonged to me.

Ridiculous. Crazy. Messed up beyond belief.

He was fucking _mine_. I could feel it. I could feel the imprint seeping right down into the lines of my soul and branding me. This was all his fault. If he hadn't come over sniffing around for fish and a taste of my mother, this would have never have happened. I would have gone on avoiding him.

Bastard! How dare he?

I rotated, straddling him, working the button of his pants until it popped free. I was being told, by a very dominant voice in my head, that this was my life-mate, my partner forever. I was being told that I didn't have time to sit around, that I had to bind myself to him _right now_.

He was helping me by wiggling his way out of his pants.

"Charlie." I flicked my tongue over his bottom lip.

He groaned, leaving his pants around his knees as he reached for me. His fingers pulled at my hips, but I hovered over him, resisting, thinking. There was something I needed to tell him first.

His hand was still in my hair, and he pulled. Pain prickled through my scalp as he forced my head back, but it was easily ignored as his mouth found my neck. His freehand went to my breast, his fingers squeezing, pinching, pulling.

It was really hard to think then.

"I don't know why this is happening, Leah," he told me, his mustache scratching my neck, "but you can't do this to me. Come here."

I scowled at him as he released my hair to have both hands free to take my hips. The command in his voice was more stern than desperate. Who the fuck did he think he was?

I started to pull away. Imprint or not, I wasn't told what to do. Charlie knew what I was doing, watching me draw back.

"Please," he choked, and he rolled.

The ground was beneath me, and he was on top, kneeling over me with his hands planted on either side of my face. I felt my heart squeeze in surprise while my stomach clenched with lust. A stick was pressing hard into my side, but his erection was pressing just as stubbornly into the inside of my thigh.

I swallowed, trying to keep the scowl on my face. I'd had sex with only one man, and that had been Sam. It'd been once, and it'd been fumbling and hot, but not quite passionate. We all now knew the reason for that was that I hadn't been Sam's real mate.

Charlie stared down at me, and I wondered what it would be like to do it with your_ real _mate. What the hell? If I was going to be twisted up into the binds of the imprint, I might as well get something out of the prison-sentence.

"What do you want, Charlie?" I asked him.

I watched his Adam's-apple bob. I could smell the earth beneath my back, and I could feel the gritty, yet soft texture. It mixed deliciously with Charlie's smell, which was musky and masculine and mouth-watering. I could smell his arousal as well as I could feel it.

"Leah, you know what I want."

He nudged me with his dick, but I shrugged.

"What do I have to do?" he asked.

I grinned. The answer was just _there_. It cropped up inside my head more fully and well constructed than any thought I had since about five minutes ago when I'd seen Charlie dragging himself around, looking for me like he'd die if I didn't materialize out of the trees to ease the swell in his heart and the throb in his cock.

I was the alpha here.

"Let's play cops and robbers."

His mustache twitched. The next thing I know, I'm handcuffed to a little sapling growing out of the ground. What the fuck? My left arm was over my head, my left wrist cuffed to the sapling. I gave it a tug. The sapling strained a little, but was completely capable of resisting my puny mortal strength, unless I wanted to freak Charlie the fuck out and show him how strong I really was.

Um--?

I wiggled the fingers on my right hand.

"Why is this hand free?"

He smirked. "You might need it."

Oh.

Uh-oh.

Charlie had decided to play. I shouldn't have been surprised though. If he felt even a brief glimmer of what I felt, his dick was bound to be hard for days. I licked my lips at the thought, and Charlie watched me carefully, his eyes darkening.

"You're still wearing your jacket," I told him.

Charlie reluctantly leaned back a little, patting his hands against his black police jacket as if making sure that it really was there.

"Oh," he said. "Here. I thought you liked a man in uniform."

I was about to tell him that I did—I really, really did—but he pinched the zipper, jerked it south, and peeled out of his jacket, quickly followed by the button-down number underneath. I was wondering why he pulled his badge off the shirt, if he really was fucking crazy enough to think that his uniform didn't make me all sorts of bothered.

But then he was pressing the star to the heat of the lowest part of my stomach, near my hip. I gasped in surprise as the cold metal kissed my flesh, bucking my hips automatically so that I bumped Lil Charlie in a provocative way that made Charlie himself swear and close his eyes, like he was about to teeter off an edge and didn't want to see himself fall.

I wanted him to fall right into me.

His badge slid off of me and landed heavily in the dirt beside us.

"Touch me, Leah."

His eyes were still closed. I reached for his dick, closing my fist around him so that I could run down his shaft and squeeze upward again. Charlie shuddered. I was ready to tell him that I was done with foreplay, that I needed him to stop messing around and fuck me already, but his fingers snuck up on me, and two bypassed my lower lips and went straight into my wet, hot center.

_Holy shit._

I bucked against Charlie, momentarily losing my grip on him as I blindly lifted to find him in hopes that I could take him into me, but Charlie had control of my body, and he was working me with those two wicked fingers and keeping his dick carefully to himself.

"Shit," I hissed.

His eyes were open again. His thumb was rubbing my clitoris in lazy circles that made me crazy while his two fingers sought a deeper region that hadn't been explored in a long time. With my right hand, I reached for him. I clawed at his shoulder, but he didn't move like I wanted him to.

He pulled away from me, his fingers retreating out and finding a new home in his mouth where he licked me off of him. I groaned, closing my eyes, because it hurt to see and to want him.

"I changed my mind," I told him. "I don't want to play. Just please—please—fuck me!"

He kissed my stomach, moved up, and drew my nipple into his mouth. I growled at him. His cock was inching in the right direction, but I couldn't do anything to urge him along while I remained attached to the tree he'd handcuffed me to. I just had to wait, feeling his warm breath against my nipple while his tongue danced around it.

"I don't want to hurt you," he told me when I thought I was ready to scream.

"You're not going to hurt me," I told him. "No one can hurt me."

His fingers were toying with the entrance to my wonderland again. I moved against them, hoping to coax a response out of him, but he continued to hesitate.

"Aren't you--?"

"No." I shook my head, gritting my teeth. "I've been with someone before."

I saw him frown at this, like it pissed him off, but what did he expect? It wasn't as if I was under the impression that he was virgin either.

"This isn't right. I shouldn't want you like this."

"Tell me about it," I said.

I would have rolled my eyes, but I'd lost control of any function that didn't directly relate to expressing pleasure.

"Leah, why do I want you like this?"

I opened my mouth, but Charlie wasn't really looking for a reply as far as I could see, because he silenced my feeble words with one thrust that sent him into me in the most electrifying, painful, exhilarating way. I cried out as he occupied me all the way to the hilt, not a single inch of his dick left out in the cold. I panted. I bucked.

He nestled down against me until my breasts were planted flat against him. He seemed to like that. I was straining against the sapling to reach for him, but my right hand was the only one that found leverage in his hair.

It wasn't quite enough when he took another go and slammed into me again, sending vibrations straight to my core that made me delirious.

"Just like I thought," he grunted against me. "Tight and hot and wet for me. Yell for me, Leah. I'm going to make love to you right here in the dirt until we're both part of the earth."

He nicked my collarbone with his teeth and swallowed the yell I released as he began to drive into me. I worked him from my spot on the ground, lifting and pushing and straining against him as he rode me. His hands were everywhere, but I could only keep my fingers laced in his hair. Everything I had to say melted into moans and cries and pleas for more.

He was panting and sweating, and he was slick against me. The whole time, he was looking into my eyes or at my face, holding and cupping and rubbing me like the fucking grand master of sex.

When he reached his climax, I held on and rode over my own until he slumped against me, his mouth falling down onto mine in one last, searing kiss that touched me all the way to the tips of my toes. He was the most glorious man in the entire world, and the heat in my chest was more than just the afterglow of sex as it circled around my heart.

With his eyes on mine, I felt everything I had was being bared to him. I felt all of my secrets bubbling to the surface.

"Charlie," I breathed that thing I had needed to tell him, "I'm a werewolf."

He grinned at me, slowly shifting to nestle his head against my left breast. I ran my hand through his hair that was in wild disarray from where I'd held it in my vice grip of ecstasy.

"Okay, sweetheart, whatever you say," he mumbled, and I could feel his breath against my nipple.

He wasn't taking me seriously.

"No, Charlie, _I'm a werewolf_," I tried again, needing to tell him the truth.

He ran his fingers down my ribcage, and I shuddered.

"All right, if that's what you want," he told me. "When we go again, you can be the werewolf, and I'll be the hunter."

I blinked. He thought I was fucking _roleplaying_.

I said, "All right," anyway.

I didn't feel like arguing. I didn't want to ruin this moment when my whole body felt like warm liquid, like I was just floating around like a puddle. I would have to _show _him later, but maybe we could have another batch of rough sex first.

oo00oo

**Charlie**

"Please," I begged; I fucking groveled like a bitch because it felt like I would die if she denied me. Without waiting for her response, I clutched her fast against me and rolled on top of her. My cock bore into her hip and I grabbed her face, trying to force her to hold my gaze. Her eyes were wild with rage.

"What do you want, Charlie?" Her voice was resigned, as if fucking me was a fate that she couldn't escape. But I wanted her. Fuck. I wanted her more than I'd ever wanted anything before in my miserable life. I'd spent the wilderness years after Renee left walking around like the living dead and now, finally, I felt alive.

Everything about her screamed 'All for Charlie,' and we both knew it, yet she was toying with me like a cat with half-killed prey. I could have rolled over for her. She owned me and she knew it, but my girl liked to play, and I had more than a few tricks up my sleeve.

Oh, shit. It was so wrong. She was scarcely older than my own daughter but my mind became possessed with all of the ways I wanted to take her. Acting out the first fantasy that came to mind, I handcuffed her to a little tree and marveled at the conflicting emotions that seemed to cloud her eyes. Completely fixated on her free hand, the sex-crazed horn-dog inside of me demanded that I draw her hand to my shaft so that she could pump me like a rifle. My cock was so hard it ached. The light breeze that kissed my skin as I leered down at her nearly pushed me over the edge.

Leah decided that she wanted to be in charge, and there wasn't another woman in the world I would sooner play the role of Bitch for. She ordered me to take off my clothes, and I did, tracing the hot flesh of her abdomen with my badge. It was a gesture that I hoped wasn't lost on her.

She cried out and my heart constricted for her. Yeah, my cock throbbed and ached for her, but so help me, I loved my little tiger so fucking much I could have wept for joy.

I fucked her slowly and deeply, never breaking eye contact with her; losing myself in the rhythm of our lovemaking. Her one free hand tangled into my hair, and she cried out and convulsed with pleasure, over and over again, mumbling how good I felt. It couldn't be anything compared to how good _she_ felt, all tight and warm and wet for me. No, she wasn't a virgin at all, but the surprise on her face as we moved together made it more than evident that this was the first time she was properly fucked by a man. Whoever she had before was clearly just a pup.

Groaning as she screamed beneath me, I begged for her to come for me. My balls clenched. I couldn't hold back my release for much longer. Every muscle in my body tightened, the orgasm seemingly exploding from every cell in my body. Grunting like a beast, I grabbed her hips and fucked her roughly, milking every last drop of pleasure out her sweet, tight, pussy.

I thought I'd never stop coming.

The way she rode out the ejaculation, I was pretty sure she thought the same thing.

My semen poured out of her, streaking her thighs.

"My girl," I muttered and collapsed against her. Shit, I nearly sobbed with gratitude, that this gorgeous fucking creature allowed me to trespass into her. Intellectually, I knew that I had no right to stake any kind of claim to her, but as her hooded eyes held mine, all trusting and bare, I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that everything she had belonged to me now. I owned her, every bit of her, just as she owned me.

Reluctantly, I unlocked her handcuff. This gorgeous-as-all-fuck forest nymph would unquestionably disappear the moment I set her free. This kind of shit didn't happen in reality. Surely, I'd wake-up any minute in my own bed, dick in hand.

Kissing her once more, I marveled at the fact that my cock was still rock hard and ready for round two. Grinning like an idiot, my hand found its way to her nipple, and I lowered my face to her warm chest so that I could lick the bead of sweat that dripped down the valley between her breasts.

_All for Charlie._

The gentle rumble of her chest clued me in that she had been speaking. I hadn't been listening, but it didn't matter. Whatever she wanted, she could have. "Okay, Sweetheart, whatever you say," I mumbled, and I continued to bury my face in her skin.

"No, Charlie, _I'm a werewolf_," she insisted as if we were locked in an argument.

I guided my hands down her torso, wanting to pull her back onto my tip again but afraid that she might not be ready for round two yet. Then again...

"Alright, if that's what you want," I placated. "When we go again, you can be the werewolf, and I'll be the hunter."

"Alright." The little vixen's hand moved south of the border again and made a fist around my knob.

"Leah," I pleaded and grabbed her hand. "Wait, Sweetheart." This wasn't right. I needed to take her home where I could make love to her properly. She wasn't just some random fuck to me. God help me, I was in love with this girl, even though such a thing should not have been possible. After Renee, I swore up and down I'd never give a woman anything other than my dick ever again. "I want to do this right."

"Fuck you!" my girl screamed all of the sudden and pulled away from me. "Fuck you! Do you think I want any of this either? Well, you're stuck with me now, Charlie, so tough titties. Man-up and fuck me or fuck off."

She started sobbing and shaking, and it shredded my heart. She had completely misunderstood me.

"No, Leelee, you don't understand--"

"What did you call me?" she growled, her voice dropping nearly an octave.

"I- I don't know. Leelee--" All at once she tore herself away from me, and I burned and ached at the loss of contact. "What's wrong--" My voice cut off as she howled and broke out into violent tremors.

"Only Sam calls me that owwwwoooooh! Snarl...Groowwwlll."

_Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck!_ It was a good thing I wasn't wearing pants because I pissed myself. My girl--holy fuck--my girl just fucking---fuck!

"Charlie!" _Smack!_

_What the fuck? Where was I? _My lids parted slowly, feeling so heavy I wondered if they had been crazy-glued shut. My body was slumped over in the passenger seat of the cruiser.

_Smack! Fucking ow! _Automatically, my hand formed a fist, and I drew it back and shot it forward in the direction of my attacker. The only thing it connected with was the leather headrest on the driver's side of the car.

"Ha, was that your best shot?"

"Leah?" My hands rubbed at my eyes until my vision cleared. My girl was still naked, but for my uniform jacket and badge. "Are you alright, baby?"

"Oh, _I'm_ fine, but we better get you inside, old man."

"W-What happened? Where are we?" Rubbing my eyes again, my vision focused and refocused until my perception connected with the familiar sight of my garage and front lawn. I had vertigo. Shit, I could have sworn we were still in the woods and...

"Leah?"

"Yes?"

"What the fuck?"

"Yes. What the fuck, indeed."

I couldn't move. My girl let out an exasperated huff and got out of the car. Seconds later, my door was open and she pulled me over her shoulder.

"Christ, woman! Put me down!" How the fuck was she doing this? This was so bloody humiliating.

"I don't want you to break a hip, old man. I'm not done with you yet...not even close," she smirked and unlocked the front door. "Where's Bella?"

"Sleeping over at Alice's." _Thank fuck_.

"Alice Cullen?" She pulled at the zipper of my jacket. "This is mine now." The head of the zipper split so slowly, tooth by tooth, revealing Leah's beautiful expanse of skin to me.

"Alright," I said. "Everything underneath belongs to me, though." I lowered my head to the zipper and ripped it down with my mouth. Her breasts spilled out towards me. "I'm gonna fuck those pretty tits, Leah."

"Charlie," she moaned, arching her back as I pulled her nipple between my lips and gave it a gentle nip. "What about... I mean, what about, the wolf thing?"

I stopped kissing her and lurched away. "Wolf," I repeated. _No fucking way_. I collapsed onto my couch. My mind had blissfully repressed the image of my girl exploding into the form of a massive grey wolf. "Right. You're a werewolf," I muttered dully. "Well, fuck, Leah. That wasn't real," I insisted.

"Charlie," she said softly. "It was." She sat down in my lap and pulled my arms around her.

"I need a minute here." Gently, I untangled myself from her and lumbered like a zombie towards the kitchen. I needed coffee. Good, strong, black, dependable coffee. Actually, there was no time to boil water for coffee. First, I needed to have a nervous breakdown. A good, reliable nervous--

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, just a minute." My knuckles turned white as I made fists around the spindles of the kitchen chair. _Fuck, Swan, just breathe_. There had to be some sort of reasonable explanation for what I saw. Leah wasn't a werewolf. She couldn't be.

"Charlie?"

_These things just don't exist in reality_, my mind screamed at me. _Not real; not fucking real_. I put the coffee back into the cabinet and opted for a bottle of Jim Beam, instead. The cheap whiskey burned a trail down my throat and for a minute, I felt calmer.

"Ch-Charlie?"

"Are you twenty-one?"

She shook her head and tried to grab the bottle but I held it beyond her reach. "Twenty?" I asked, hopefully.

"Nineteen," she said in a small voice. "Charlie?"

I grunted and took another swig of Beam.

"Do you want...should I leave?"

That's when I looked at her face. Fat tears streamed down her cheeks as she took in sharp little intakes of breath. "I'll go. Werewolves don't exist, Charlie. This isn't real. Go to sleep."

Before she could run my hand wrapped around her wrist. "Baby," I whispered. "Come here."

Leah shuddered, still crying, but didn't fight me as I pulled her back into my lap. "Don't go," I repeated and kissed the back of her neck. "Stay with me, baby. I love you."

She shook her head. "No, Charlie. It's not real. You don't love me."

"I do," I insisted and kissed her forehead. Another sob wracked her body and I held her tighter to me. "Baby," I cooed again. "Don't cry."

"It's just the fucking imprint!" she screamed, but held on to me tighter. "None of this is real. How could you possibly be in love with me, Charlie? Think about it."

"Look, I know it doesn't make sense, but I don't go around feeling things that aren't real. We'll figure this out." We clung to each other, and I kissed her face over and over again, trying to calm her tears. "What's an imprint?"

"Um, yeah... so we're... I mean, the two of us..." She buried her face against my neck, and even though she was still crying, it was fucking bliss. I didn't want to ever sit in this kitchen chair again without her straddling my lap.

"You can tell me anything."

"We're mates. Werewolves imprint on their perfect match and mate for life... Sam says it's like love at first sight, only stronger."

"So...am I gonna be wolf now, too?" Instantly her sobs transformed into snickers. What? It was a valid question.

"No," she laughed.

"Oh, do you find my question funny, Giggles?"

She nodded and laughed again. "You're ridiculous, Charlie." She pulled the jacket down off her shoulders and brought my hands to her breasts. Instantly, my cock became solid again, straining against the seams of my pants. I bit down into her shoulder and rubbed the undersides of her breasts with my thumbs. The flesh was so soft there.

"Leah?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to my underwear?"

"I decided you didn't need it anymore." Her lips connected with mine, and I groaned, thrusting up against her. "Your badge is in your pocket."

"I love you, Leah." I laced her hands around my neck and stood, her legs catching my hips. Walking her over to the couch, I pulled the badge out of my pocket and pressed it between her breasts. "Tell me you love me?" I pleaded. "I don't care about this imprint bullshit. What I feel for you is real. Tell me you feel it too?"

"I do," she moaned and pounded her fist against my back. "I do feel it! I do love you, alright? Happy?" Her voice was a growl. My sweet, little beast was angry again but I crushed my mouth to her and smiled.

"I am, Baby. I'm so fucking happy." I put my badge into her hand and curled her fingers around it. "This is yours, now."

"I'm the chief of police?" she managed to say with a straight face. "That's awesome."

"Not exactly." I helped her out of the rest of her clothes while she undid my fly. "You're my mate and that's serious stuff. I wanted to give you something really important. I mean, I guess most women like jewelry but, um, that's the only thing I could think of that means how--"

"Shut up, Charlie. It's perfect. I love you." She pulled my hands to her hips and bore down, enveloping the head of my cock into her cunt lips. "Fuck me," she commanded.

"Wanna do it doggy-style?" I raised an eyebrow and she growled, pounding down roughly. All at once, my shaft was completely sheathed inside her and our hips connected.

"Charlie," she screamed, her body shuddering.

I lost myself again, surrendering my senses to loving my girl completely. Really, I should have noticed the headlights that shot across the darkened room, but I didn't. I should have heard voices on the front porch, but again, I didn't, not until it was too late to react.

"No, Edward! I don't believe you."

"YEAH, LEAH, DON'T STOP, BABY!"

"Please, love...just don't open that door. Trust me."

"DON'T STOP FUCKING ME, CHARLIE!"

"Shhh! Leah, did you hear something?" I pulled her down flat against me.

"Vampire!" she sneered.

"Wait, what?"

The door shot open, and I disengaged quickly while clawing for the blanket that usually draped over the back of the couch. Where the fuck was it?

"Ch-Charl--" Bella saw us. She took an unsteady step towards us and rubbed at her eyes. Yeah, I'd probably want to claw out my own eyes too if I walked in on someone fucking my father.

"Daddy?" she said in a small voice. Her eyes started rolling back in her head.

"Jesus Christ and fuck," I muttered, pushing Leah off of me so that I could catch my daughter before she fainted.

"Please, stay where you are," her asshole, douchebag, foreign car driving boyfriend snapped at me. All at once, he caught Bella in his arms as she swooned.

"Edward," she groaned, trying to lurch away from him.

"You might want to let her go, son," I warned. _If you don't want to get covered in puke_.

"She can vomit on me if she needs to," the douchebag asshole responded calmly.

"Did I just say that aloud or think it?" _Shit, how drunk did I get, exactly?_

"That would explain your behavior." Did I mention how much I loathed that douchebag?

"Leah," I growled. "Get me my gun."

She looked about as embarrassed as I felt, but my girl untangled herself from my lap and glared openly at Bella and Edward. She ran over to the front hall closet and pulled out a couple of long jackets, shrugging one over her naked shoulders and tossing another into my lap. "No point in getting a gun, old man. Won't do any good against a bloodsucker."

"Bloodsucker?" What the fuck did she mean by that?

Bella groaned and turned a deeper shade of green. "Stop it, Leah," she pleaded. "Just don't say another word."

"I can say whatever I want," she snapped. "He's my imprint. He gets to know anything he wants."

"You didn't," Bells screamed at my girl.

"Oh, I did. As your new mommy, I'm going to have to forbid you from dating a vampire."

My stomach churned. Vampire. What? "Edward is a vampire," I said. It wasn't a question. Enough had happened today for me to take what was said at face value. "Edward is a vampire and Leah is a werewolf."

"Yep," Leah confirmed. "On the rez, we called Bella _Vampire Girl_. Quil once managed to translate into Quileute 'Girl-who-fucks-vampires,' but Jake won't let us call her that...even though it's true."

Bile rose in my throat. "You will not touch my daughter, ever again. Do you understand me, boy?" We had a wooden cross hanging on the wall. Although I was slightly wobbly on my feet, I managed to tear it away from the sheet rock and hold it in front of me. "The power of Christ compels you to leave my fucking house." Cross in hand, I approached the monster my little girl was still clinging to. "Let go of her."

"Stop it," Bella wailed. "Charlie, the cross won't hurt him."

"Holy water?" I was going to be sick.

"Charlie, please sit down," Edward begged like the girl that he was. "I'm not sleeping with your daughter."

"Bullshit," I snarled. That's when my stomach finally gave out on me. Heaving, I expelled cheap whiskey and fried fish all over Edward's fancy shoes. Bella wretched quietly onto the floor beside him.

"Go to your room, Bella," I managed. Leah somehow materialized a towel and wiped at my face.

"Go to yours, Charlie," she snapped right back at me.

oo00oo

**Leah**

Getting interrupted in the middle of hot, sweaty sex with someone that had recently turned out to be your imprint sucked.

Getting interrupted in the middle of hot, sweaty, imprint sex by your partner's daughter and her boyfriend—who smelled like the Grim Reaper's asshole on a hot day—_really_ sucked. There was something incredibly torturous about being in the middle of a life changing climax only to open your eyes to see two of the people you hated the most, one of which immediately began to squeal like a little stuck pig, like she'd never been aware that her dad had a dick and knew how to use it.

Holy _shit_, he knew how to use it all right.

It was physically painful to peel myself away from it, to see it go limp in shock and embarrassment, to know that what could have been the best sex of my life was now a bitter sweet memory in the back of my head.

Though my mood in general was perked up a bit when Charlie decided to wield a cross against Edward. I snorted a little when Bella began to panic and cry like the little baby that she was. I wished Charlie would give Edward a good knock on his head with the cross, just for good measure, even though I knew it wouldn't hurt the leech.

The humor went stale when Charlie started puking, convincing Bella to follow along.

There was a table runner with very unmanly flowers embroidered onto it on the coffee table. I figured I was doing Charlie's pride a favor by swiping it up to use to wipe him up. I made a face as I wiped his, thinking that I could only handle something this gross for my imprint.

He totally owed me one, and I planned to make him pay up as soon as he sent his brat packing to her room, which was why I was more than bummed out when _he_ went to _his_ room_ too_.

"What the fuck?" I demanded, left behind in the living room with the walking dead.

Edward looked equally as put out as I turned to glare at him.

"Bella?" he called, meekly.

What the hell did Bella see in him? How could he compare to Jacob? Did the man even have balls, or was he as big a pussy as I thought he was?

"Do you even have any balls?"

"Will you always lack feminine class?" he retorted.

Touche, asshole.

We stood for a moment in silence, exchanging mutual feelings of hostility. I hugged Charlie's oversized jacket against me. The end of it just barely hung past the bottom of my ass, and I could feel it brushing against the back of my legs. The inside of the jacket smelled like him, and I felt heat stirring between my legs. It made me even more pissed that I wasn't getting fucked at the moment.

"Welcome to the party," Edward grumbled.

_Please_. Thinking of Edward's ill-nourished sex drive was disgusting, though I would be the first to tell him that he would die from his semen buildup before he ever _got any_ if he kept playing his poetic, tortured soul card. Cullen was too much of a pussy to know how to please one.

"You do know Steve Carrell's 40-year-old virgin character was a social and medical miracle, right? In the real world, if you wait that long to fuck someone, you're probably going to die a virgin."

The fact that Edward couldn't die was irrelevant in my mind.

Edward frowned. "Who is Steve Carrell?"

"Forget it," I snapped. "I don't have time to explain this to you. Unlike you, my sex life is active and waiting right down the hall."

Edward didn't reply. He was staring toward the staircase that led up to Bella's room like he might die. It was pitiful really.

"Well?" I hissed.

"Well, what?" Edward responded.

"Aren't you going to—you know—_leave_?"

"Aren't _you_?"

I huffed out a breath. It'd been a long day. I'd woken up on the definite wrong side of the bed, had the most awkward lunch with my mother ever, phased in front of Charlie Swan, the police chief of Forks, and had rounded out the evening _fucking_ Charlie Swan, police chief of Forks and father of Isabella Swan—traitor to all mankind.

"Are you really going to play it this way?" I asked.

"I think I've been here longer."

"Kiss my ass, Cullen. Don't make me _throw_ you out."

"I'm not easily disposed of, Leah."

I growled. "Damn it, I'm really going to hate being related to your ugly, sparkling ass."

Edward choked. "_Related_?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. Charlie's my imprint, and I know Bella is...whatever to you. I'm just saying, if Jacob doesn't kill you first and all."

Edward actually laughed. He was definitely a moron. Only a moronic, shiny vampire would think that they didn't have to worry about a werewolf the size of Jacob. I was going to really enjoy the day that Jacob kicked his ass.

Not that I wanted Jacob to end up with Bella anyway. She was such a whiny, klutzy twit. Oh, shit. Would I be her stepmom? How fucked up was that?

"All right, fine," Edward said. "I suppose we should get our new relationship off to a positive start then, shall we? We'll both leave. At the same time."

I didn't see how that solved anything—the two of us leaving—but I didn't want Edward hanging around anymore, cramping my style. I needed the Swan residence to myself, and, maybe, if he left, Bella would follow shortly after.

"All right, fine."

Agreeing with a vampire left a bad taste in my mouth. To even things out, I let him walk out of the house first, and I followed several steps behind so that I could make faces at his back. When we were both out on the lawn, I cleared my throat and straightened my face.

"Er.. Well, see you, leech."

Edward lifted a brow. "Good evening, mutt."

I scowled at him, and we turned and started off in opposite directions. The only problem was: I was headed away from La Push, and he was headed toward it. I didn't catch this error, nor did he, because we both had the same idea.

We walked several feet, skirted around a house on either side of Charlie's, and doubled back. I didn't see him again, and he didn't see me. Charlie's room was on the opposite side of the house from Bella's.

I tapped on his window maybe the exact second that he tapped on hers.

I pushed the window upward and crawled inside. My intentions for the occupant of this room, however, were not quite as PG-13 as Edward's.

Unlike Limp-Dick Cullen, I—figuratively—had balls and knew how to use them.

"Leah?" Charlie croaked from where he sat on the edge of his bed.

"Uh oh, Chief Swan." I grinned. "Looks like a burglar has broken into your house. You better punish me."

**Author's Note: Thanks again to restlessxpen for being such a talented an amazing writer. Her Leah is unparalleled. Please let us know what you think!**


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